Mum's the Word

Columbus Day

Posted: Oct. 31, 2018 12:01 am

Why are we still celebrating Columbus day?

Christopher Columbus was a racist sex trafficker who never set foot in North America. Anything you believe to be true about him is a lie. Do the research. Oh, and let's not forget he thought he was in Asia! Idiot!

But whatever, here we are taking a day off. At least some of us. Meanwhile, I'll be over here separating children from an epic throw down because someone ate the last bag of Cheetos. The rest of the day will be spent trying to keep them from killing each other while maintaining an acceptable level of messy and drink at least one cup of tea or coffee while it's hot.

The struggle is real.

What better way to help me remember a selfish jerk than to give the kids a day off school and force me to clean up wrappers or yell. Those are the only two choices, by the way. Maybe I should start using outlandish fear tactics to get things done around here, like Columbus.

Actually, maybe this is the punishment we all deserve, punishment for continuing to turn a blind eye to the oppressed while celebrating a egotistical man.

Happy flipping Columbus Day!

Thank goodness we have learned from history.

Anyway, I'm renaming this holiday.

Happy Teacher Appreciation Day!

Because we never appreciate our kids teachers so much as we do on an extra day off school (or five!).

Thank you teachers, from the bottom of my lazy heart. You complete me.