I want a break from the relentless neediness my children are throwing down, but I also wouldn't give up my time with them for anything. I'm currently contemplating whether I should I be harder on them or more understanding? How accountable should a 7-year-old be? Like, how forgiving should I be that you forgot to make your bed for the seventh day in a row. Do I want them to be more capable or emotionally stable adults? If I discipline and hug, can I have both?
I want to know where things are going, but I also don't want to make any decisions in regards to the future. Yes, you heard that right. I want to change or know about possible changes but also not change. I'm an unbelievably unbearable decision maker. If a trusted being could just tell me what to do with my life, that would be great. Praying seems to offer up more maybes than decisive answers. Jesus, take the wheel!
Should I go to bed early and do the dishes in the morning? This seriously is an every night question. Deciding to do them at night also means going down as many rabbit holes as humanly possible before I crash at an ungodly hour. By the way, there's no in between. There is only do or do not.
Do I want herbal tea because it's healthier, or do I want black so that I can stay awake and be more pleasant? What is the least selfish choice? I may need to time check and boil the kettle five times before I have my answer. Maybe I should flip a coin.
It seems like everything is a catch 22 these days, and it makes decision making impossible. How is one to know exactly what one wants? I get that there are pluses and minuses to everything, but how do you weigh the yin against the yang?
How do we achieve balance and live in the now?
Finding the answer to this question is every person's goal or, at least, should be.
Lately, I've been both reflecting and looking forward. As a dark cloud moves over a place from my past, I realize nostalgia needs to be checked. I envision the Green Giant as my bouncer of yester-year. Ho-Ho-Ho-Nope.
Maybe the past needs to die a death and everything that goes with it does too. Letting go could be the key to moving forward. My dad always used to say leave the past behind you, which is one reason he never wanted to do the same exact vacation twice. I would also equate it to rewatching movies from the '80s that you thought were awesome but through the lens of today are cheesy and terrible. So, here's to the future.
While I may not be able to make a decision today in regards to kids, personal life or tea, I will strive to move forward and be more receptive to change. I may have to flip a coin and take the good with the bad but, in the end, I know the yin will win.