Steve Eighinger

Thank the Lord for that air conditioning

By Herald-Whig
Posted: May. 29, 2018 9:25 am

Memorial Day is now in the rearview mirror. That means summer is officially here.

That also means there will be some bad news to accompany the good.

Here's an example:

Good news: There will be more and more days when we wake up to the sound -- and feel -- of one of man's greatest inventions. That would be air conditioning.

Bad news: The next few months of utility bills will probably be considerably higher.

My view: I'll pay a few extra bucks to not wake up in the morning drenched in sweat.

See where this is going? Let's try another:

Good news: It's not going to snow again for at least five, maybe six, months.

Bad news: There's a good chance you will have forgotten where you have put the family's snow shovel by the time flurries are falling again in late fall.

My view: I don't care. I'm planning to hire one of the neighbor kids to shovel my walk anyway. (My wife has no idea I gave the snow shovel to the garbage man last week.)

Fellow husbands, it's the time of the year to be careful with the following:

Good news: Even with air conditioning, there are times when it is more comfortable to go downstairs where it is always cooler. I think there is some law of physics that says basements are always cooler in hot weather.

Bad news: Never let your wife know you are going downstairs. You might wind up having to do the laundry.

My view: That's OK. What's a husband for, except to help out the Little Woman? Besides, we have a TV downstairs, and I can watch sports uninterrupted. Bring on that laundry.

For those husbands who might have had other things planned for a springtime Saturday:

Good news: With sunshine replacing snowfall and rain, it's much easier to keep the family cars clean.

Bad news: When the wife says on a Saturday morning, "Honey, let's wash the cars out in the driveway and take in that beautiful sunshine."

My view: That's when I say, "Honey, give me the keys. That's why car washes were made."

One last thought ... if the good Lord had wanted us to be outside in hot and humid weather he wouldn't have made big-screen TVs, Coca-Cola on ice and easy chairs, which brings us to this:

Good news: The freezing temperatures of winter are long gone. The birds are singing. Nature in all of its glory outside your front window.

Bad news: The Little Woman wants to spend the weekend having you plant flowers, trim bushes and all sorts of stuff Johnny Appleseed would have loved.

My view: Tell her you sprained your ankle and stay inside in that wonderful air conditioning that the good Lord also created for us.

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