Arbitrary rule No. 287
Mum's the Word

Arbitrary rule No. 287

I walk into the mud room and witness my daughter holding a bag of Runts in the air, pouring as much into her mouth as possible. It's 7:45 in the morning. "What are you doing?" I ask. She knows I do not allow candy before noon. This is just one of the arbitrary rules to establish some small shred of order.

Warrior criticism
Mum's the Word

Warrior criticism

People love to give advice. The reason is because advice is easy. Living life is hard. I've learned that more than advice, people want empathy ... and help. I would love some actual help. Like, come down in the trenches and help me fold my laundry.

The missing socks & time for flip flops
Mum's the Word

The missing socks & time for flip flops

Why are there so many socks without matches? Maybe they've thrown them off the trampoline into the neighbor's bush or they're hiding them under their beds with absolutely everything else or they're trading them with friends in an evil game of torture ... I'm just over socks. Next season please.

If these walls could talk
Mum's the Word

If these walls could talk

I'm sitting in the stairwell to the upstairs talking to my sister on the phone. She's talking about her current struggle with men and I'm looking at the wall wondering how long it's been this disgusting. I grab a dry erase pad and while we discuss life and the merits of having low expectations, I wipe away a year's worth of grubby finger marks.

I think we're alone now
Mum's the Word

I think we're alone now

In a house full of kids, I rarely get one-on-one time with my children. Every now and then, one of them finds me alone. Then I do what I always do. They're already anticipating it. I sing, "I think we're alone now."

MUM'S THE WORD: A house of acceptance and love
Mum's the Word

MUM'S THE WORD: A house of acceptance and love

The new "Queer Eye" featuring my brother Jonathan as one of the Fab Five just launched on Netflix, and we couldn't be more excited.

Valentine's Day boxes
Mum's the Word

Valentine's Day boxes

Every year, each child is supposed to make a Valentine's Day box for their classroom's party. I just had a brilliant idea: What if I send the box to school and they do it there as an art project? Look, I know some of you out there love this box making, but I'm not Martha Stewart.

When's bedtime?
Mum's the Word

When's bedtime?

I remember feeling a little smug about our strict 7:30 p.m. bedtime. Those were the days. Life was simpler ... I think. I can't remember because I blacked out the year there were four children under 4 years old, and I've been sleep deprived ever since.

The code
Mum's the Word

The code

While our children tend to tell us certain things, they may favor one parent over the other for particular things. But is it OK to tell one parent something, expecting them to keep it from the other parent?

Shrieks and pitter-patter
Mum's the Word

Shrieks and pitter-patter

I'm sure when people envision having children they dream of the pitter-patter of little feet and shrieks of laughter. Oh, to be young and delusional again. When I hear laughter from upstairs, I immediately start to sweat.

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