Steve Eighinger

We may have a winner for Moron of the Year

Posted: Sep. 29, 2017 9:10 am

Permit me to say we may have found the Moron of the Year. For the moment, that's all I'll say.

See whether you agree after perusing the latest installment of "Morons of the Month."

Bronze medal

A group of inmates in Mississippi broke out of jail -- only to break back in shortly afterward.

Levontaye Ellington, Travis Baker, Maurice Robertson and Jacquiez Williams jumped the fence of the Holmes-Humphreys County Correctional Facility and broke into a Dollar General store less than a mile away, a Mississippi News Now report said.

"They stole cigarettes, cigarette lighters, phones and just items they felt they could sell in jail," Robert Kirklin, the Lexington, Miss., police chief, told a local news outlet.

Rather than running to potential freedom, the four men opted to sneak back into jail. All four maintained their innocence when confronted, but authorities had surveillance footage that helped identify the men.

The suspects have been charged with commercial burglary.

Silver medal

A New Zealand man who had too much to drink and sold his car to get more alcohol awoke the next day to discover the vehicle was gone. The man, whose identity was not revealed, reported the car stolen to police in Rotorua, New Zealand. He had no idea what he had done the night before.

It was eventually discovered the man had sold the vehicle for $800 to allow him to keep drinking, Rotorua police Sgt. Dennis Murphy said.

The New Zealand Herald reported that Murphy said police, who often stress to the public how dangerous it is to drink and drive, now had another warning.

"The lesson here is don't drink and sell cars," he said.

Gold medal

Deputies in Marion County, Fla., said a man stuffed more than $1,000 into his rectum in an attempt to hide it from deputies after he was arrested.

WPTV in West Palm Beach reported that Pattreon Stokes, 26, was pulled over for speeding. The officers who stopped Stokes said they could smell marijuana coming from inside the vehicle. After searching Stokes' car, the officers found 197 grams of methamphetamine, rock cocaine, 4 grams of heroin and marijuana, plus a large amount of money on his person.

Officials say that when they arrived at the jail, the money Stokes had on him appeared to be missing.

"Detention deputies then noticed something quite unusual," the Marion County Sheriff's Department posted on its Facebook page.

Deputies observed $20 bills falling from Stokes' buttocks area.

WPTV reported that after a "necessary but undesirable process for everyone involved," detention deputies located $1,090 in U.S. currency in Stokes' rectum.

Along with a variety of drug charges, Stokes was also charged with smuggling contraband into a detention facility, plus being the butt of several jokes.

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